do the phone key chicken

“Listen, pal, I hate to do this to you on such short notice, but I got a memo from my program director, and they all of a sudden want to do a show about animals, instead of whatever it was we were going to have you on to talk about.”

“I’m not sure I follow you, Terry.”

“I still want to have you on as a guest, uh, what was your name again?”


“Jeff! That’s right. Like I said, I still want to have you on as a guest, but we’re going to have to ad-lib some stuff. For starters, I’m going to introduce you as a wildlife expert. We’ll say you’re bringing a crocodile, a white tiger cub, and uh, one of those big spider things. I understand if you’re not comfortable doing this, but we go on the air in about thirty seconds, so I need a quick decision here.”

“That’s not what I came here to do. I…”

Relax! It’s radio! We do a little pretend acting, Ronnie back there on the board can chime in with some animal sound effects, we keep the sponsors happy… everybody wins. Whaddya say?”

“Terry, I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot here. I am your court-appointed attorney. We need to talk about the defense strategy-”

“Look, Jeff, if we’re not doing a radio show, then what are we doing in this studio?”

“This isn’t a studio, we’re in a room provided by the prison. That man behind the mirrored window over there isn’t your producer, he’s-”

“aaaaaaand welcome back! This portion of afternoon drive silliness is brought to you by Uncle Mel’s Extra Hot Burn-Your-Dick-Off Hot Sauce, a division of Manticorp!”


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April 2009
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