it’s not a rerun, it’s a classic

While preparing for a yard sale, my significant other* uncovered this little ditty I wrote my junior year of high school. I don’t recall writing this, but my best guess is that when it came time to submit our school activities to the yearbook, this was the list I turned in:

Varsity Wrestling

National Art Honor Society


Jazz Band

Rick James Fan Club (disbanded at semester)

Dead Sea Scrolls Translator Club

Cooking Club

National Fish-Cleaning Honor Society

Water Buffalo Club (runner-up to Fred Flintstone in presidential race, but it’s just a fucking popularity contest anyway)

Secretary, Planning Committee, Seperate-But-Equal Midget Prom

Students Supporting Students With Lice

Leather-Tanning Club

Treasurer, Future Porn-Stars of America

Plano East Organized Militia

Vegeterian-Bashers Club

Organizing Staff, Girl-Haters’ Year-End BBQ

I was fascinated by the insight this thing provided re: my early sense of humor and exactly how little it has evolved since 1994 (although today’s version of me wouldn’t be down with the leather tanning or vegeterian-bashing. or the fish-cleaning or barbecuing, for that matter. jeez, what was the deal with my need to spill the innocent blood of animals back then? i was like a werewolf, except i sucked at basketball, didn’t have a friend with a van that i rode on top of, and nobody wanted to have sex with me). Also, I got a big kick out of the fact that the phrase “Students Supporting Students With Lice”  can be read multiple ways. Sure, the most likely meaning  is that the club was made up of students supporting other students who happened to have lice, but I like to think that the club was dedicating to building human pyramids with the bottom layer made up of trillions of lice.

*don’t worry, ladies; I will still do you**

**pending passage of my impossible and terribly unfair standards of beauty


2 Responses to “it’s not a rerun, it’s a classic”

  1. 1 jimjbollocks
    July 23, 2009 at 12:11 am

    It should also be noted that the phrase “friend with a van that I rode on top of” can also be read multiple ways. Not to be a perv or nothin’.

  2. 2 Sarita
    July 23, 2009 at 8:24 am

    I’m glad that my assumption that you haven’t changed at all in 20 yrs appears to be spot-on.

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