alternate universe headlines

Study Links Condom Use, Enjoyable Sex

Must-Have Accessory for Fall 2009: Crippling Self-Doubt

Tao of  Mario Lopez Replaces Baal Worship as World’s Top Religion

Plastic Six-pack Rings Kill Dolphin That Would Have Become the Next Hitler

66 Year-Old Jimi Hendrix Releases Worst Album Ever

Newspapers Still Doing Awesome

Woman Arrested for Not Covering Her Tentacles in Public

Superherpes Virus Kills Tens of Millions, Saves World Economy

Hints From Heloise: Even In This Universe Where the Sky is Purple and We All Walk Around On Our Hands, Club Soda Still the Best Way to Get Out A Red Wine Stain

Parents Stunned by Newborn That Can’t Do Algebra

Americans Showing Vacuous Entertainment Fatigue

Nation’s 44th Black President Fails to Make History of Any Kind


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