net neutrality is what gives us dolphin-free tuna

You accidentally wore your gold spandex pants inside out the other night, then when someone pointed out the error, you told them you were doing it ironically. It was a close save, but later you referred to Wes Anderson’s directorial debut as “Bottle Rockets” instead of its actual title, “Bottle Rocket.” All this after recently confusing Wyatt Cenac with Danger Mouse.

Let’s face it, you’re exhausted.  After a party, your tongue is still orange well into the next afternoon due to your increased tolerance for Sparks. And with your reputation as a scenester always on the line, getting more sleep simply isn’t an option. Something’s gotta give, and it’s not gonna be your late-night adventures with mustachioed drummers in powder blue tank tops (size toddler small).

That’s why FoodChem’s International Division has developed Pocket Paneer: the energy bar that turns the great taste of Indian food into Indian Fuel!  Try any of our three great flavors: Baigan Bharta, Pyaz Ki Kachori, and Murg Noorjehani! Look for our street team in the Pocket Paneer marketing truck, which is a windowless Econoline van with a bunch of band stickers on it.


2 Responses to “net neutrality is what gives us dolphin-free tuna”

  1. 1 Rand McNally
    March 18, 2010 at 7:18 am

    A tasty treat, just in time for South-by.

  2. 2 crackityjonze
    March 18, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    What? No Chana Masala? Back to the test kitchen!

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