event cancelled due to lack of redeemable human value

LOS ANGELES- Authorities confirmed Tuesday that the nude body found behind a dumpster on the Sunset Strip is that of onetime movie executive Danny Grellkin. Grellkin, 46, was known for his innovations to the movie industry, which gained widespread use only after his forced exile from Violentsexx Pictures led him to seek a life of solitude.

In the midst of the  Great Special Effects Strike of 2015-16, Grellkin, facing mounting pressure from moviegoers fatigued by two summers of nothing but special effects-free romantic comedies, persuaded a homeless man to allow himself to be murdered on camera for the action movie Gravityshifter 4: Trial by Fire in exchange for $250,000, paid one year in advance of the filming.

The homeless man, crack addict Brandon Terlichmann, never appeared in the film, as he died from a massive overdose within two days of receiving his check, an unfortunate result of suddenly having a quarter-million dollars to spend on his drug of choice. The ensuing scandal rocked Hollywood, leading to Grellkin’s ouster from Violentsexx Pictures and yet another summer full of bland family fare, including the rush-schedule simultaneous release of the adaptations of all nine Little House on the Prairie books, set in space and starring Vin Diesel as RoboPa Ingalls. Overnight, Grellkin went from Hollywood wunderkind to living on the streets, not even returning to the public eye once the country rediscovered its appetite for film violence and the practice of paying homeless people to get brutally murdered in increasingly imaginative ways for movie scenes became commonplace.

Police are seeking out Grellkin’s replacement at Violentsexx Pictures, Randy Herstory, for questioning, to determine whether Grellkin’s death had been related to having been offered a “small but important role” in the eagerly awaited sequel to the summer blockbuster Futurewasters, tentatively titled Futurewasters: II Hell and Back.


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June 2010
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