bonus fourth of july post

I don’t have any acting experience and I’ve never even been to California, but I think that I would be a pretty good understudy for most of the animatronic robots in the Hall of Presidents at Disneyland. Like, if they ever had to temporarily shut down the robots due to a credible threat of machines rising up to overthrow their human masters, I could definitely fill in on an emergency basis and satisfy the (surprisingly high) public demand for the soothing monotone of a mechanical James Madison: “I… am… James… Madison,… Author… of… the Declaration… of… Independence.” Then some smart alecky voice from the crowd would point out that James Madison was the primary author of the Constitution, and that Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence, which would cause me to say, “Does not compute. Malfunction!” in a suddenly more urgent-sounding robot voice with none of the ellipses that characterized my earlier robot voice, then walk into the audience all stiff-limbed and strangle someone. Quit freaking out, dummy, it’s not like I’d be strangling a little kid or anything. In fact, I’d probably hire a second actor to play the audience member, and patriotically stimulate the economy as a bonus. The point is that people shouldn’t take their freedom for granted. Not everyone makes it out of the Hall of Presidents alive. Take off your hat and show some respect, asshole.


1 Response to “bonus fourth of july post”

  1. 1 sweet rachel
    July 4, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    in the words of HAL, “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.”

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