13
Oct
10

we probably should have built this city on something besides rock and roll

I’d like to have a word with you, son. Yeah, I know, champ; but the sooner we talk about this, the sooner we can get back to your birthday party. Listen. You’re growing up faster than you realize. Pretty soon you’ll be a grown man and we won’t be able to have these talks. Jeez, look at me getting all emotional. Back to the business at hand. Look, how old are you today? That’s right, five. And you know what that means, right? Yes, you’ll be starting school next year. Well, it’s a big milestone in your life and I want to make sure you’re ready when the day comes.

What I’m trying to tell you is that you’re becoming a man, and as such, it’s time to start leaving some parts of your childhood behind. For example, you know that Nickelodeon program you like, the Fresh Beat Band? Well, it’s time you learned that they don’t actually play their own instruments. Hey, chin up, buddy; I’ve been there. When I was in high school, it wasn’t easy for me to hear the truth that “Parents Just Don’t Understand” wasn’t actually what was going on on the streets, but I’m eternally grateful for the time both of the black kids at my school stuffed me into a trash can to prepare me for the harsh realities life has to offer. So next weekend when we go back to the movies to see Saw 3D again; I don’t wanna see you cowering under your seat like you did last time.   

Nothing in this world is free, and you’re gonna have to understand that. What do you think these balloons festooning the halls are made from? Latex? Fucking Mylar? Get real, kid, I got clients to impress at this little shindig. These balloons are nothing but the finest: 100% penguin bladder. What’s that? Gee, I dunno, professor, you think you could live without your bladder? No. Of course they’re dead. My point is, don’t ever get too comfortable, because the world can be an unforgiving place. One minute you’re playing golf, enjoying all sorts of newfound free time thanks to that well-built guy you hired to take care of your household chores, and the next minute, you’re counting the days till your kid goes off to school and you’ll have the house to yourself so you can start auditioning new mommies.

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1 Response to “we probably should have built this city on something besides rock and roll”


  1. 1 Stace Of Base
    October 13, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    So this is all great, no kidding. But what I really want is a desk calander – a new blog title every day. The titles are what make me want to murder you and steal your talent, keeping it in a bottle in the kitchen to marinade tofu with. Not literally, of course.


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