22
Dec
10

the love that dare not make any sense

To my dearest delicate flower, Slayerfan666,

Daily I am astonished anew by my capacity not only to love you, but to miss you. Irrespective of the physical distance that separates us, I can feel myself growing increasingly attached to you in a much more meaningful way than I ever thought imaginable. I am sorry that the limited availability of wi-fi in my area has prevented me from responding sooner; lest you think that my admitted insufficiency of communication is in any way a sign of flagging in my devotion, I can assure you that the hours I have spent thinking about you far outnumber the words in each IM or email.

I thank you for inspiring me to live up to a higher standard in every area of my life, so that I will be the kind of partner that is worthy of your love. Among other improvements, I have recently begun an exercise program and immersed myself in motivational books written by incarcerated corporate executives. In preparation for the day when we finally meet IRL, I have even begun cataloging television show theme songs to mentally recite the words to, in hopes of lasting longer in bed.

Though I am frustrated by the many limitations inherent to our long-distance relationship, I look forward to our first encounter, so that I may wrap my tentacles around you, then pepper you with eager kisses from my razor-sharp beak as I drag you to the bottom of the sea, where we will live together forever. Oh, did I mention that I am a giant squid?

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2 Responses to “the love that dare not make any sense”


  1. December 22, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    This is a beautymous Christmas gift to world, Nautilus20000.

  2. 2 Stacey
    December 22, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    If “Oh, did I mention that I am a giant squid?” doesn’t get added to the The Oxford Dictionary of Quotation immediately, I’m sinking England.


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