Hello there. I know you’ve been searching for me for a long time, and through various mediums. Well, I’m pleased to announce that the blend of snorting lines of cat dander and civil war gunpowder, combined with drinking tea brewed from the urine of someone who was coming down from psilocybin mushrooms, has led you at long last to this life-altering revelation: that of your spirit animal. Open your eyes, my son, and I will emerge from the mist to make myself known.

Before that moment, however, I should remind you of the sacred responsibility being entrusted to you. As you learned on your journey to this point, one cannot choose their spirit animal, or else everyone would be tigers or wolverines or some shit, the same way Mirandas always think they are the Carrie of their insufferable, cackling brunch friends. No, the divulging of one’s spirit animal can only be made after a long period of self-discovery, during which the searcher comes to a humble understanding that every living being has a unique purpose in the universe, each of equal importance, from the mighty black bear to the smallest plankton. And though it will be difficult at times, I trust that when you wake up from this sublime, unconscious state in ten hours, in a strange place, naked and surrounded by broken glass, and nursing multiple taser burns of unknown origin, you will be ready to accept both the considerable power and the special challenges presented by being forever bonded to me, a centaur with the torso and head of Kenny Rogers.

Now, before your quest continues any further, I want to point out that I am not actually Kenny Rogers and have never met him. In fact, I’m not even that good a singer. My thing is painting. I usually have someone tape the brush to one of my hooves and just go to town. My works seldom resemble what I am trying to paint due to the lack of dexterity in my horse arms, but I do have a keen eye for composition. Yes, I realize I have human arms. I guess the thought never occurred to me that I could just hold the brush in my hand. Man, this partnership is gonna be great for both of us! Seriously, how psyched are you about this? Oh, by the way, can I crash at your place for a couple of months? Do you have anything good in your fridge? Wow, this is so cool, I’m gonna go get all my stuff.


3 Responses to “palindromemordnilap”

  1. 1 Kevin
    February 2, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    My spirit animal has the head and torso of Kenny Loggins! The rest of him isn’t all cool and horse-like though. It’s more of a shellfish body, but still maybe he could provide some back ground caterwauling while your dude paints. Think about it?

  2. 2 weston
    February 2, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    great imagery on this one…i easily picture kenny rogers flailing around trying to paint with his “horse arms.” good stuff.

  3. 3 Kevin
    February 2, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Oh and btw, my favorite palindrome is:

    “A man, a plan, an anal panama”

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