01
Jun
11

mister gorbachev, wipe down these counters

Young buck, you don’t know how lucky you have it. I see you out there: sippin on Cris, riding in the back of a limo while a straight dime piece booty claps the William Tell overture, but you checkin the time on that three Gs on ya wrist thinking, “gotdamb, what time the party really gonna start?” You got everything handed to you, nahmean, without recognizing those that paved the way for you. What, you think the world was ready for an emcee to tour with a chef that that prepares calamari on stage? Baby boy, I had to soften em up for you by spittin rhymes while chained to the bottom of a shark tank.

You wouldn’t be where you’re at if I hadn’t broken down the barriers to success that you didn’t even know were standing in your path. It took courage to set trends like I did, but I knew one day there would be another generation to continue my vision and take it to a new level. I was the first one to wear just a bathrobe to the club with the belt undone, lettin mah stuff swing like a grandfather clock or some shit. Man, wasn’t nobody else completin sudoku puzzles on stage until I did it. Talkin about the Friday paper too- five stars, son! That’s the highest degree of difficulty! You think I did that for me? Hell naw, I was pioneering some new frontiers so you could enjoy that golden chalice custom designed by Jacob, full of refreshing Ecto Cooler, or alternately, Sharkleberry Fin. Yeah, I took a few lumps, but I got through it because I had a strong belief in myself, plus I had the foresight to know what was gonna be poppin, so I stayed ahead of the curve (oh, by the way, voluntary gratuitous amputations are gonna be huge in 2012, so find a good black market surgeon and get him on lock).

And now, at the age of twenty-five, I’m washed up. Sad to say, but my dream of weaving the poetry of the streets is at an end, even though I still had a lot more stories to tell. I won’t lie; it was hard to give it up. I had to look in the mirror and ask myself some tough questions before I took this new gig, doing a rap teaching kids the importance of flossing they teeth daily. This track’s gonna be hot, but it ain’t even getting released under my name, and the video’s just gonna be a cartoon muskrat wearing Cross Colours and a backwards ball cap. But for an artist as inventive as me, the next hook is just around the corner. I got a secret project in the works to get me back on top. Don’t want to reveal too much, but let’s just say it involves both the addition and subtraction tables. Look, I ain’t lookin for no recognition. I had my day. But just remember that when you only saw one set of footprints in the sand, that was me carrying you (you can tell because the tread marks are Fila, and I was rocking those kicks before anyone).

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