22
Jun
11

maximum darkness

As I sit alone at my desk here in my reinforced bunker, it seems appropriate that it has been cleared of all but a few items: the paper on which I am penning this letter, a glass of water accompanied by a single cyanide tablet, and a sense of destiny that it would be difficult to overstate the impermeability of. Indeed, everything extraneous has been removed as I have uncluttered the space around me to symbolize my newly regained clarity of vision, which I had gradually lost in the decade since founding this cult (this should shed light on the origins of the ping pong table, Galaga/Ms Pac Man machine, and mini-fridge stocked with fun size Mr. Goodbars which mysteriously appeared in the east tabernacle last week; I would have explained earlier if I had known it was going to raise so many questions. Again, I’m sincerely sorry for any misunderstanding).

Friends, the final chapter of our Family’s story is being written, and it is with some sadness that I watch the tale unfolding on the monitors fed by our many security cameras. After a lengthy standoff, law enforcement agents in helmets and body armor have breached the west walls and will soon be swarming the compound while barking terrifying orders through a megaphone, but I feel eerily calm knowing that it will all soon be over. It is only now, unadorned at last by the tunic made of scratchy iridescent fabric that I have worn every day since walking in these doors, that I see the only option is to sacrifice myself so that you all may go free. Lest you feel abandoned by my having led you to this place, promising enlightenment and redemption, only to leave you at the moment it all fell apart, I want you all to know that our time here has not been for naught. Consider the third chair violin in a symphony orchestra. Is it disappointing that the culmination of a lifetime of dedication is to toil anonymously, to blend seamlessly into a larger body in service to the vision of another? Or is the discipline required to learn their craft its own noble and fulfilling form of self-expression? I say with certainty that each and every one of you has performed a vital function in what we built here, every bit as essential as the executives at Goldman Sachs, who covertly funded our compound as long as we kept drawing media and law enforcement attention away from their own criminal activities. Years from now, when it all seems pointless, think of the gratitude currently being expressed in the afterlife by all your dead ancestors and pets we posthumously converted to the true faith.

As you re-adjust to life in the outside world, I ask you to remember a few things that will aid in your transition. Prepare yourselves for a media feeding frenzy, as America gets an erection harder than galvanized steel when presented with the opportunity to express righteous indignation. Be careful in what you reveal to outsiders, for just as what happened here cannot possibly be understood from the outside, neither can it be explained from the inside. I guess what I’m trying to say is that no matter how clearly you explain that adhering to a rotating schedule of sexual assignations (posted every third thursday in the compound’s dining area) allowed all the believers to share all components of their being, the piece on Dateline is still probably gonna be edited in a way that makes you look like a weirdo. Well, I think that’s everything. No need to remind the last person to leave to make sure the lights are off, since that should take care of itself once the exercise bikes in our electricity generation room are unmanned.

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