17
Aug
11

tv time machine

Welcome back to Turning Points, the show where we discuss the pertinent issues of the day. Once again, I’m your host, Thom Rolfhoulk. I’d like to thank my co-hosts Klaus Illimianstonson and Marcia Slecckpfeldt for their insightful reporting on President Gerald Ford’s re-election campaign, and the lighter side of the women’s lib movement, respectively. I’d also like to remind our viewing audience that we will return to our usual roundtable panel format next week, and to assure you that our program will air in its entirety after the conclusion of the football game between the Houston Oilers and Los Angeles Rams.

Our final segment tonight concerns a topic that this program has thus far avoided commenting upon, out of concern that it may have been merely a passing trend. But it appears as though the civil rights advances of the past two decades are here to stay, and that warrants acknowledgement and recognition. Just as innovations such as quaaludes, toaster-ready pastries and suburban key parties have greatly improved our lifestyles, our rapidly changing society stands to benefit from the integration of other cultures and ethnicities into the mainstream. If we continue apace, soon people of color could be in your living room as guests, instead of in your kitchen on a bottle of pancake syrup.

Studies show that the swiftly approaching end of racism, as well as the cessation of discriminatory home and small business lending practices, will make it easier for ethnic minorities to amass and pass on generational wealth, just as we whites have done for the last two centuries. As soon as 1992, the resulting racially mixed neighborhoods will be as common as this ashtray, making the need for busing and affirmative action policies a thing of the past. It’s a change we should all be eager to embrace, like flying cars or the pills we’ll all be taking as meals by then. And if the viewing audience will forgive my use of a few Chicano slang terms I overheard from the caddies at my country club, this “jive turkey” in particular thinks a future of increased access to affordable higher education, better jobs and reduced incarceration rates is one that could prove to be quite “outta sight,” indeed.

Who knows- before long, our forward-looking nation’s face of leadership could look quite different. So here’s a message to our country’s enterprising young black men: work hard, stay in school and follow your dreams, and one day you could be occupying the Oval Office, unburdened by the possibility that a major political party will question your citizenship, obsess over your unusual-sounding name or accuse you of palling around with terrorists, so aim high. That’s all for this edition of Turning Points. Please join us next week, when we’ll be discussing pet rocks or lava lamps or some shit.

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