11
Jan
12

hey, let’s write a song where we just name a bunch of cities

Welcome to www.chaiselongue.com, your online source for plush, luxurious chaise longues at distributor prices. You already know that at http://www.chaiselongue.com, we pride ourselves on our exquisitely crafted chaise longues, offering selections of every color, shape and size found on the surprisingly diverse spectrum of chaise longue options. But what you might not know is how seriously we take our responsibility to uphold the venerable traditions from which the chaise longue originally sprang. We handle every step from the factory until your chaise longue arrives at your door, and our attention to quality is evident in every step, whether it be our business partnerships with only the finest old-world artisans like Marc Cavalcanti and Giuseppe der Wielen, our fabric buyers’ meticulous demand for nothing less than the highest quality materials and upholstery, or our insistence on using the same stupid original French spelling of “chaise longue” as last week’s Los Angeles Times Sunday crossword.

Our customers have depended on www.chaiselongue.com for generations, because we haven’t strayed from the principles our business was founded upon. We cater to a discriminating clientele with an eye for quality, and our many repeat customers appreciate that our high standards and commitment to service have remained the same since 1996. And unlike our competitors at www.chaiselounge.com, we offer our grand, opulent chaise longues at the prices the dealers get before they mark them up. Also unlike our competitors, we won’t insult our customers by using the dumbed-down American malapropism “chaise lounge.” Clearly, if you are in the market for an elegant chaise longue, you’re looking to class up the joint, so maybe you should fucking act like it already. What, you think the late Susan Sontag spelled it “chaise lounge” like some kind of fucking sixteen year-old barely literate frontier wife nursing two toddlers in a goddam covered wagon? Nah, man. Fuck outta here with that boolshit.

We’ve made a few changes to our website, so feel free to browse around. One of our new features is our store finder, for those discerning customers who prefer to come out to one of our 13 showrooms nationwide and inspect our fine chaise longues in person. A click of the mouse will help you find all one of our customer service centers in your region. You’ll know you’re in capable hands when you hear our representatives use the sophisticated, proper pronunciation of “shay-lohnj“- the only vocalization worthy of our incomparable chaise longues- that you’d expect from the late George Plimpton. Whether you’re looking for an offering from the Leland Nguyen spring collection, or simply want to take advantage of  special prices on our featured Chaise Longue of the Month (January’s is the sleek, modern Royal Executive, available in olive drab or currant), you’ll soon see why www.chaiselongue.com is the number one choice for millionaire philanders looking to furnish a swanky apartment to conduct extramarital affairs in.

(thanks to actual genius Kerry for her great work on the images)

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